This is December 2018
and I am wondering where my life has gone. I had great plans at the beginning of the year. To finish my online course (Breaking the Stress Cycle), that’s done, but over the year it kept morphing, mainly because it bought up all my stress about communicating, marketing and selling it. Ha, the irony.
Money has been the big stress for me this year, in fact it has been the big stress for the last couple of years as I transition away from clinical one on one practice. Here I am teaching a course on how to overcome your stress and of course what do I have to deal with, are all my stresses. So I had to go deep into how do I clear all my subconscious stresses.
During the year I began to realise I was suffering from symptoms of anxiety. My blood pressure went up, I had breathing problems and I started getting skin problems. It was lucky that I had plenty of knowledge and experience from my 35+ years as an acupuncturist and herbalist to draw upon.
And yet, I didn’t really get lasting results until I faced my fears and began to let them go. Not by trying to work them out, but by deeply relaxing and surrendering them up to a higher power. Meditation and Surrendering them to the Beloved have been my saving grace.
I remember when I was in India on retreat, that one of the teachers said that, “You have done all the work needed to become awakened, so all you can do now is let go the struggles and wait for grace to arrive”. It seems the last step is the one that God does.
It seems that the more the mind tries to work out how to get there, the more the struggle, the more thoughts appear and they all become blocks to the awareness of Divine Love and Peace. We have to be willing to let go and surrender to what is happening in the Present moment, the Holy Now.
And that has been hard work for me. I am a thinker and a doer. I was not someone who could accept things as they are. If I was feeling uncomfortable or unhappy then I would chew at the bone until I got an answer. I have had to let all that struggling go. I have had to completely relax and give up the need to change things, I have had to surrender to whatever my life was presenting. That meant accepting my money income issues and my health issues.
It has taken all my focus to let go and relax. I had to practice what I was preaching in my online course. I had to on a daily basis practice the breathing exercises, the guided meditations, and focus on living in the present moment, the here and now.
I realise how much courage it takes to truely spend my day with faith and trust that it is all perfectly designed for me by One, who loves and cares for me.
This all sounds pretty esoteric but the truth is, there is nothing else I want to do with my life. I am in the last 3rd of my life and I think it is a good idea for me to get prepared to make ‘the big jump off planet’ (death). (You know that phrase ‘live each day as if its your last because one day it will be’.)
Practising inner peace and love seem to be the best I can do for myself and the planet. Getting free of what holds me down and restricts me, seems to be my only path in response to all this insane world seems to throw at me.
Also if you would like to know more about the letting go process
here is a blog I previously wrote